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SPEAR BRITNEY
This sick creation of the pediphile-filled music industry has really pushed back the envelope on the definition of music. Here we have a barely legal girl posing half-nude in music videos that lack music. First, she can't sing. If you listen to her music and haven't detected the work of sophisticated computer editing you aren't paying enough attention. Anyone with a voice this bad on the international music scene must be using a cousin of the Cray 7 to keep her wailing in tune. If you've seen her in concert, did you notice the row of people in the dark corners of the stage with their mouths held wide open? Those are what the people in the industry call "back-up singers". Why are they there, might you ask? Because if anyone heard her voice outside of the studio they might pull a Van Gogh and cut their own ears off the get away. If they want her to make the big bucks to line their own coffers, then they need to shill out the dough to cover her vocal inability. Next, have you ever looked at her? Anyone who thinks she has a job because of talent is an idiot. She is a piece alright, but a tool all the same. She's basically an international cheerleading act, without the pyramids. Hell, maybe her dancers make pyramids during the show; the staff, being fans of people who play instruments, wouldn't know. She is being used to fill a void in America's markets, i.e. the lack of legal child pornography. Men across the country want to see a young girl run around in almost nothing. For them, Madonna was a good start, but she just wasn't young enough. Like anyone believed she actually was a virgin when she sang "Like a Virgin" at the MTV Music Awards. These sickos can't wait to see more Britney wannabes flooding the CD and poster stores, and the younger the better. Finally, Britney is the stereotypical airhead. If she wasn't born blonde, she might as well have been. She's actually been quoted telling MTV that she enjoys working out because it fills her mind up. Translation: she needs to sweat so she won't notice the empty void between her ears and behind that mulit-million dollar boobs, I mean face. When asked about her position on the war in Afghanistan during a news conference in Toronto, she gave away her true side. Her first response was dumb shock, almost as if she didn't know there was a war. Then her eyse fractically searched the room for a prompter or someone to tell her what to say so she wouldn't have to actually form an opinion. After a space, she finally gave in and stated simply that she supported it. You might think that this was an abnormal reaction to a busy recording/touring/pimping schedule, but when asked about her fashion decisions for the upcoming tour, she happily ran off at the mouth for half an hour about her wardrobe. For the sake of sanity, when will the madness end?
OUT OF SYNC
Boy bands are an interesting beast indeed.
RECIPE-
Take 5 guys (1 bad boy, 1 cutie, 1 older brother, 1 boy next door, and 1 leader)
Mix in some "phat beats"
Add talented voice overs
Drop in a pinch of fashionable clothing
Stir up a good music video
Preheat oven to 350 and bake for 30 minutes
and....VOILA!! You've got yourself a fresh-baked boy band! These N*SYNC boys are the epitome of pre-pubescent evil. These pretty boys get together, lip sync (where do you think they got the name N*SYNC from anyway?), and grab their crotches while dancing around to songs pumped out of a computer. These kids are the counter to Britney, a way to weight the scales so we don't think that there actually is a conspiracy out there to take children's money. They make it look like the boy band is something entirely different, yet better, than the POP tarts, but in fact they're even less talented. It takes 5 boys to replicate the success and fake talents of one POP tart. Even with the sophisticated producing methods and electronically generated voices, it always takes more guys to pass a fraud like this past the American people. Look at Millie Vanillie; it took two guys to lip synch to the music and steal a Grammy. It only took one girl for Britney to do it. Anyone that thinks there groups are real and that these boys met somewhere and then started to sing together is a grade-A doofus. ABC even brought this to America's attention and got higher ratings for it. Their show, MAKING THE BAND, showed the actual manufacturing and construction of one of these "male vocal groups". If this doesn't prove our point, then their recording schedule does. There is no way that a group can create so much "original material" in as short a space of time as these groups are. They can do it because they have hordes of writers and actual musicians creating this stuff for them to vomit back up every few months. They don't feel anything they sing about, they don't understand the motivations behind their music, they don't get that music is supposed to be tied into the human soul. Maybe they don't see that because they don't have souls of their own.
BENDOVER BOYS
Once agan, the boy band strikes back, in the form of the Backstreet Boys. These guys were almost out of the running for Evil Numero Uno, but they came back by releasing an incredibly stupid album that was succesfull in manipulating the teeny bopper audience. They used the boy band formula (see above) and rode it to the top in terms of money and fame, but to the bottom in terms of talent and musical integrity. This might sound recycled from the last article, but to beat a dead horse until it's nothing but red pulp, so is their music. Everything that Conspiracy Theory said about N*SYNC applies here too. Phat beats and cute boys aren't a substitute for feeling or compassion or musical interest in a band's repoitoire! They aren't even a band, they can't play instrument! We doubt they can even read music! As for the bend over part, guys who spend so much time togther and so few of them have steady women has to make you wonder. Maybe a few of them zig and zag afterall. |
