USAMA BIG EGO

Conspiracy Theory: Does A Body Good

USAMA BIG EGO

Bin Laden was quoted to say, "If you want to see a real fight, drop 100,000 troops in Afghanistan, then we'll really see."

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Bin Laden may be right. Maybe we should drop 100,000 troops into Afghanistan. Well, he definitely thinks he is popular. The truth is he's not. Myabe this is why no one wants to join him in his sacreligous Jihad. We here at Conspiracy Theory think Bin Laden is a grade-A moron.

A: If we drop 100,000 troops into Afghanistan, the odds will be about 100 to 1 against Bin Laden. That means every one of their poorly-equipped, not to mention cowardly, men would have to kill 100 of our men before they bought it in order for this battle to come out even. Oh wait, we forgot the Northern Alliance in these numbers. Oh well, no need to figure that in, like each one of Bin Laden's men will be able to beat the first odds.

B: Maybe this suggestion is a good idea. Why waste $1,000,000 bombs on shacks that animals don't even find fit to live in.

C: Bin Laden thinks he is the leader of Afghanistan, but the truth is he is not the leader, and he never will be. In America, we can't fathom any sane reason for him wanting to come over here and pick a fight with us. You would think for someone who believes that they are so smart, they might have heard about those wars where the United States has never lost, oh yeah WWI, and WWII. (Also, see any United States history textbook for all the other wars won).

D: Like we said, Bin Laden is a moron.

E: By the by, YOU LOSE SUCKER!! The Taliban has surrendered, and our Special Forces and Northern Alliance soldiers are closing in on you fast. Not much time left, dude, so say your prayers. Wait, scratch that. We don't want Alah wasting an ear on the likes of you.

United States reactions to the problems;

A: We can whine about it and do absolutely nothing.
B: We can cover the whole thing on T.V. throughout the entire war.
C: We can just nuke the entire place, but then we would be killing tons of innocent people who hate Bin Laden.
D: We could give lots of weapons to people who don't like Bin Laden and then leave, and hope the problem will solve itself in ten years. Wait, we've done that before....
E: We can send troops in and hope to turn the country right side up, but most likely something like this will happen again. Then we'd be just like the Soviets.
F: We can get all those anthrax letters and some of our own diseases and then mail them first-class to Bin Laden's home, I mean cave.
G: We can drop anything that would insult his beliefs on Afghanistan.
H: We coulf fly SR-71 Blackbirds over the mosques of Afghanistan every hour on the hour on Fridays and then make sonic booms to greet them during their afternoon prayers.
I: You know what we should do? Remember colonization? Hey, I think Afghanistan would look good with a red, white, and blue flag flying high over the country. Hey, they couldn't handle their own country, so let's just take it away from them. This way, they won't have to go so far to terrorize innocent heavily-armed people. Afghanistan would make one really sweet military outpost, where our troops could receive some real training in hazardous wilderness settings. In about 50 years, Afghanistan might be ready for American civilians to settle. After that, McDonald's can't be far behind. God Save America.